Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there was a black guy walking behind him.

He was nervous, new to the city, thinking, "I feel like he's following me." So he crossed the road to test it. The black guy? He just went home. "I'm such a racist," the chicken thought.

About a month later, a different black guy ate the chicken. "This joke is not racist. The chicken was definitely racist. Chickens are very closed down and suspicious... considering their species murder rate is 100%."

But who really feels sorry? A gay man's sperm.

• Being a sperm inside a gay man is hard luck.
• Your sperm is not gay. Your sperm is just excited.
• "We're next, fellas, here we go."

In September 2016, Apple called it courage to remove a hole from your phone.

Now, 10 years later, let's look at the truth. It was never about courage, thinner phones, or your convenience. It was a billion-dollar business move.

The 3.5mm jack, invented in 1877 for telephone switchboard operators, survived two World Wars, the Walkman, and 50 years of tech without complaint. It required zero power, pairing, or battery. You plugged it in, it worked. Every time.

Apple gave three excuses, and each one collapses like a wet napkin:

• Thinner phones: The iPhone 7 was actually thicker than the iPhone 6.
• Water resistance: Sony’s Xperia Z3 had full IP68 waterproofing two years before Apple removed the jack, and it kept the port.
• Better audio: They replaced uncompressed analog audio with compressed Bluetooth. That’s not an upgrade; that’s an insult.

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How do you do, fellow Texans? Ted Cruz here. If there's one thing we can all agree on as Texans, it's that I should send your tax dollars to fund free health care and college for Israelis.

I came to Congress with the intention of being the number one defender of Israel in the United Senate, and that naturally evolved into defending pedophiles.

You're going to want to wear a tinfoil hat for this one. Let's talk about 9/11 and Ron Lauder.

First, you need to see Benjamin Netanyahu in the mid-90s. He claimed the West didn't understand militant Islam and predicted in his 1995 book that if they didn't wake up, it would bring down the World Trade Center.

Here's the kicker: at that time, the WTC was not privately owned. It was owned by the states of New Jersey and New York. No individual owner. So how did it fall into private hands? And who made Netanyahu a thing?

Enter Ron Lauder. He served in the UN and the US Embassy for Israel in the 80s, tried to run for NYC mayor, and sat on boards for Netanyahu. He's the heir to the S. Day Lauder throne and was a tight confidant of Jeffrey Epstein from 2008 to 2019.

This isn't about one person; it's about a billionaire in the Epstein class who influences our geopolitics. Do you know why Trump wants Greenland? Ron Lauder, his college buddy, suggested it. Lauder even opened an LLC and invested in the water bank of Greenland at the perfect time before we started pushing for it.

But that's not the point. Let's get back to the 90s and the private ownership mystery.